To me, I get release, a sense
of calm from praying the Amidah. When beginning, I often question why I
am there. Praying is silly and I don't know that I believe in it.
However, going through the process means I have a specific outline which
I can follow as reference. When I reach the end, with אלוהי נצור, i
feel that weight lift. Whatever has been bugging me and therefore
weighing me down is no longer as pertinent. Each time I reach this part
of the Amidah, I say this prayer to watch my speech and then head into a
personal, silent prayer. In this prayer, I always request aid for those
in need of God's help and support. Continuing, I acknowledge the
blessings in my life and thank God for those blessings. Even more than
that, I ask for assistance in finding the tools to keep my life and self
in a good place.
Before I began Rabbinical school, I wasn't
sure I believed in God. Yet, I continents to engage in worship and
silent prayer. My prayer did not include the name God. Yet now, God is
the entity at which I direct my prayers. Although personal connection
may not exist (God has never spoken through me or anything like that), I
do find that determining that connection is important. And now, the
words penned by a 17th? Century rabbi make up the bulk of that. It
reminds me to guard my lips, making sure I am remaining true and not
speaking ill of others. However, God is the one indicated here. I am not
one to say God does all and I have no free will. I cannot take the will
away from myself, because then, why bother? All ability is then
detached from my onus. That onus is what allows me to continue to work,
to follow this path. My path is in conjunction with God, not because of
God's will.
This prayer gives people a starting
off point, a place to find support for prayer without completely taking
away the desire for free will. Congregants can use it to come to terms
with a lacking belief in God, or a confused one, and use it to engage in
conversation with clergy or self
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