What if...

I'm currently reading a very well written book by Noah Hawley called The Good Father, about a father's journey to discover if his son killed the soon-to-be President of the United States and what his intentions are. Here are some thoughts that surfaced as I read, bringing home many Jewish values which I have discussed throughout the year.
 

What would you do if your son killed someone? You come home from work, turn on the television, and are faced with a terrible tragedy, one that opens the door to dismay and anger and shock. Minutes later, you discover that not only are you mourning the loss of this political figure, but that your son is behind the killings.

            How does one wrap his or her head around that knowledge? Knowing that one’s child killed another human being, even without premeditated thought is harrowing. It sends confusion and disgust from my gut. Yet at the same time, I know that I love fiercely. So what to do with that feeling sharply contrasted with the pain and desertion I felt.

            First of all, I have no children. So, honestly I don’t know. What I do know is that I am against killing, guns, violence. From my experience (not that I have much in my 23 years), killing people for a crime, or for any reason, is almost always illogical. The defense attempts a plea of insanity, claiming that the person was temporarily insane, or even permanently dealing with a mental illness. Yet, these people all have guns. Even someone suffering from a personality disorder has lucid moments where they function. Paranoid schizophrenia is the diagnosis for many people having killed political heros. They carry this label as a protection, as a badge, a way to explain why they would do such a thing. But truly, it seems like an excuse (this coming from someone who supports proper mental illness diagnosis and treatment).

            However examples of murder, flat out killing another, stem from the bible. We see Cain bring Abel to the field and killed him. The verse, Genesis 4:8, makes it unclear as to whether or not Cain killed his brother with pre-meditation. One interpretation is that Cain spoke to his brother. And some time later, they were in a field and Cain happened to rise up against Abel and kill him. Another interpretation is that Cain spoke to Abel and told him to come to the field, where Cain killed Abel. This particular version of the story settles the guilt squarely on Cain’s shoulders, showing him as someone wanting to kill his brother.

            God punishes Cain, although he first simply inquires as to where the boy’s twin has disappeared. Cain quips that he is not his brother’s keeper, giving Judaism the famous ideas of necessity to care for our brother and help keep them. I digress. The punishment Cain receives is one of becoming a wanderer and fugitive, not welcomed anywhere from that point forward. Yet nowhere do we hear of Adam or Eve’s sadness or disappointment or frustration over either the death of their son Abel or their son Cain’s murderous tendencies. Instead, all we hear is that Eve bore another son, naming this one Seth. The name does have some undertones of sadness, of reminiscence, as appointed by God, or a replacement from God. The name comes form the Hebrew root shin, yud, bet, meaning to apply, point or place. God has placed this new son in the presence of Adam and Eve to help them heal from the death of their son. Yet this is the ONLY mention in this verse of Adam and Eve having any emotional reaction to what occurred with both of their sons. Even more interesting, the next chapter does not even mention Cain and Abel. Rather, it goes from the creation of male and female, to Adam having a son, Seth. Interestingly enough, the killing of one’s brother does not warrant being discussed or depicted more than once!

            It would seem God is showing the Jewish people an example, one to consider for parents of children who have killed another human being (although I am not sure I would ascribe to this same logic had it been my son found holding a smoking gun). God demonstrates that one who kills another does not receive a place in the story, does not deserve to prosper and continue. Killing is wrong, a sin. Although the Ten Commandments had not yet been transmitted, we receive the sixth Commandment, do not murder. The actions of killing are not to be permitted, are to be punished.

            Yet what does the parent do, when their child is the one who commits the killing? Is it a parent’s responsibility to stand up for his or her child, or do they also need to condemn the individual for killing? Should a parent stand behind his or her child, unwavering in support? Personally, I do not know what I would do, faced with a child who had killed another. I don’t believe in guns and do not want them near me. I am a proponent of giving back to the earth, not taking from it. I am someone who champions the underdog, always giving my love to as many individuals as I can. My hope is that I will never need to face a situation where a child of mine intentionally or even unintentionally acts against all in which I believe. But faced with that circumstance, would I condemn my own flesh and blood? Would I be able to look him or her in the eye? Frankly, I do not know. What I do know is that I hope never to be faced with that dilemma!

Sweet as honey: the blessings of the Torah

I participated in both Torah study and Saturday morning T'fillot this week, as is usually my custom. During each activity, I came across a different aspect of the text that spoke to me. Although not initially intended to read like a D'var Torah, that is what I ended up coming out with. These are not polished thoughts, but rather ideas I wanted to place in cyberspace in order to gain insight from my family or friends. Please let me know what you think!


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Last week’s Parsha, Ekev, was jam packed full of verses that make up important aspects of our liturgy. Two verses in particular stuck out to me. The first one comes from Deuteronomy 8:10, reading: “when you have eaten your fill, give thanks to the Eternal your God for the god land given to you” (translation from Plaut Torah commentary). This parek (verse) is used as the proof text for the blessing of food after eating. Moses, speaking about God’s command, has just told the Israelites what they will find in the land flowing with milk and honey. He is espousing the glories of the land and telling the people just what wonders they will find. However, he ends his comments with a warning: be mindful that what you have came from the hand of God and therefore וברכת(you shall bless) to God for it. The Hebrew translation is literally to bless, but the English translation often is to give thanks. The first question that occurs is whether blessing and thanking are the same thing? Can they occur simultaneously or is there a way to do one without the other. A blessing is often related to thanking in some way, but thanks are not always connected to blessing.

The land flowing with milk and honey (at least from Tel Gezer)

            Relating this prayer to the prayer traditionally said after the meal, Birkat HaMazon , we see that a rather long prayer was created to thank/bless God for the food we have been given. Yet all that was asked in this parek was to bless or thank God once one has eaten his or her fill. Why is such a lengthy prayer required to do so? Would not a simple, “Thanks, God” do perfectly satisfactorily? Or, as Jews, do we need a longer prayer to be aware of what we are saying and therefore fully present in our process of acknowledging all that God has given us?

            Honestly, I don’t have an answer. I know what the rabbi’s said, that any meal containing bread necessitates the full birkat hamazon and any eating activities containing more than a measure of an olive must commence with a shortened prayer over the food. However, the question still stands: what is the actual meaning as intentioned by the verse and how can we as Jews, and more globally as people, fulfill that request.

            Another verse that struck me is related very closely to the V’ahavtah (Deut 6:8), Deuteronomy 6:18. God tells the Israelites to …impress these My words upon your very heart: bind them as a sign on your hand and let them serve as a symbol on your forehead.” This is a claim I understand, but have a hard time with. These words are what we, as Jews, put in our Mezuzot, in our T’fillin that we lay on our forehead and hand during prayer. Instead of placing the “what” of Judaism, what we are praising and remembering at all times, we are constantly acknowledging the how. We are remembering how to do God’s commandments and HOW to live our lives.

            Wrestling with this idea, I posed it to a close friend. Instead of agreeing with me, he posited a different interpretation. Rather than the commandment calling to question all that he does, he saw it as a way to remind us to find what it is in Judaism that is important to remember. Instead of placing the Holiness code or the 10 commandments on a scroll, in a box on our foreheads and arms, we place the description of how to do these things. We are constantly reminded not of what we do, but that we need to do it, and in this multitude of ways. The “what” is for us to discover. As so much of Judaism is about asking questions, this too garners more questions than answers. The verse pushes us to constantly think about what Judaism means to us, about how we choose to live our lives and therefore what we want to represent. Being human, we are fallible and necessitate the constant reminder. We meditate upon the how, in order to discover the why behind our daily actions and beliefs.

            Prayer and Torah often leave me wanting more, frustrated yet at peace with my experience. Judaism is a little like that as well. Just when you think you have something figured out and are ready to fully commit to it, something comes up that stops you in your tracks. However, Judaism doesn’t leave you alone in figuring out the solution. As Pirke Avot I.6.II wisely points out: “set up a master for yourself. And get yourself a fellow disciple. And give everybody the benefit of the doubt.” Judaism wants you to put these tools in place so you can be successful and mind that meaning in life. The purpose is to learn and grow, never to fail. Therefore, I will take this as a lesson to seek out both teachers and fellow learners and continue to learn and grow, to question, ponder, and look with wonder upon this world!

Following the Footsteps: What Comes Next

What happens when we die? It’s something humans often thing about, wondering where they are going, if they will see loved ones, what the future holds. We want to have the answers to every questions, to make that unknown a little more fathomable/less overwhelmingly scary. Yet, by coming up with solutions and answers, are we not in some way belittling the entire experience, condensing it into something earthly and almost tangible, rather than completely unknown and scary.

            However, the IDEA of death is what scares people; the unknown. If we knew what came next, death would still be scary, but I imagine to a much lesser degree. With the process understood, the actual event would hold less value. That is why people come up with “reasons” for a young child’s death or the sudden passing of a loved one. We need to put value on the life, rather than the death; find meaning in their death, rather than focus on the senseless grief springing from their absence. When someone dies in Judaism, the Mourner’s Kaddish is recited. This prayer, while said by people who have lost someone, says nothing about death. It is about celebrating life, remembering the person and all the good associated with them. Therefore, the prayer acknowledges the importance of life and living, telling the mourner that they too need to continue living in order to maintain the memory of their loved one.

            A writing in Mishkan T’fillah starts: “It is a painful thing to love what death has touched.” That pain, the anger, the guilt even, all of those emotions can overwhelm us, when those important to us pass away. Anita Diamant, in her novel Good Harbor, offers another way to look at death, to perhaps make it less scary. Buddy says to his wife, while she is preoccupied with thoughts of breast cancer and death, that he “ think[s] of [dying] as following. Following the rest of them” (p. 117). In that way, death is much more about making connections and finding those people we love. Death becomes more reasonable, more tenable. We are more able to actually wrap our heads around the concept.

            Death is never easy. Sitting in a room with someone who is dying/about to die is incredibly painful and often overwhelming. We all find ways to cope with that pain. We all attempt to comfort ourselves and those around us in whatever way we know how. Sometimes we just need to put a different spin on it. Reaching out is always a good start. Where can you find strength and get courage from?

words, WoRdS, WORDS!! ALL OF THEM WORDS

Yesterday was wonderful. Rachel and I stayed in the library to do homework, and when we were done, we were both headed towards her apartment, so we went together. In her apartment, I ended up spending 15 minutes or so exclaiming over a guidebook (to which she asked if I often exclaimed aloud, even when alone (the answer of course being yes)). Finally we left for what turned out to be our collective errands.

            The first stop was the used and rare book store right up the street from her house. I had been in it once before, so this time knew exactly what I was looking for. We thoroughly enjoyed looking through the children’s books but couldn’t find anything worthwhile or that looked like it had good enough pictures. However, I did find Harry Potter in Hebrew. I know I’ve read all the books a bunch, but hopefully that will help make the Hebrew easier, because I already kind of know what it is saying/context. For example, I figured out stuff relating to divination, because Trelawny started talking about seeing the students in the corporeal world! So cool!! Plus, its higher language, so it of course challenges me. But at least I get to be a little kid again in how excited I get (I tend to act like a little kid when I am reading and come across a word I know, especially in the newspaper or something, because it’s rare enough to still BE exciting!

            Anyway, we left there and went to what was Tesco in Prague and equivocal to super Target in the states. On the bottom floor is a grocery, the entry floor (קרקר) has a pharmacy, and the next two levels home stuff and clothing. Right in the entrance were two tables with items on sale. As most of the things there were books, I gravitated to them! A woman helped us find a good book (it rhymed!!) and then I picked out two I had read as a child: Cordoroy and something about a potty or pooping. Then to the grocery, where we decided we would make Shakshuka for dinner, and home.

            Back at Rachel’s, we sat on the couch and played Words with friends. However, we didn’t really interact, we just sat there playing our own games independently. Unfortunately, something tells me this will become more and more common in the coming generations, as they forget how to actually be with people and interact with them. We did figure it out, eventually coming together to cook dinner and eat and talk. And talk we did. We talked about working in a synagogue and having real life experience, about what that looked like and how it has shaped the place we are today. It’s fascinating to hear different people’s life experiences and learn from them, realizing that some we share and some we don’t.

            After dinner, I skyped with my parents (Rachel’s conversation with her mom earlier highly resembled mine with my parents). Then we decided to try out one of my new books, so took turns reading the little stories on each page! When we didn’t know a word, we looked it up. Oh my, was it incredible! We were both so happy and enjoyed it so much. Then, we looked up Lion King in Hebrew and watched a compilation of Lion King songs from the Hebrew movie! So awesome. Next I introduced Rachel to מץ פטל, so we spent another 11 minutes watching that. Then it was time for home.

            Yesterday was so wonderful! That is the kind of immersion and interaction I want out of my time here in Israel. I want to pick up as much Hebrew as possible and get as strong a grasp on the language as possible. That means soap operas, butchering words often, just trying to push them out, talking with Israelis all the time, reading the newspaper and listening to Israeli/Hebrew music. It will be hard and take time, but I want to do that. I just need to make sure it doesn’t get in the way of the relationships I have begun and will continue to make!