Following the Footsteps: What Comes Next

What happens when we die? It’s something humans often thing about, wondering where they are going, if they will see loved ones, what the future holds. We want to have the answers to every questions, to make that unknown a little more fathomable/less overwhelmingly scary. Yet, by coming up with solutions and answers, are we not in some way belittling the entire experience, condensing it into something earthly and almost tangible, rather than completely unknown and scary.

            However, the IDEA of death is what scares people; the unknown. If we knew what came next, death would still be scary, but I imagine to a much lesser degree. With the process understood, the actual event would hold less value. That is why people come up with “reasons” for a young child’s death or the sudden passing of a loved one. We need to put value on the life, rather than the death; find meaning in their death, rather than focus on the senseless grief springing from their absence. When someone dies in Judaism, the Mourner’s Kaddish is recited. This prayer, while said by people who have lost someone, says nothing about death. It is about celebrating life, remembering the person and all the good associated with them. Therefore, the prayer acknowledges the importance of life and living, telling the mourner that they too need to continue living in order to maintain the memory of their loved one.

            A writing in Mishkan T’fillah starts: “It is a painful thing to love what death has touched.” That pain, the anger, the guilt even, all of those emotions can overwhelm us, when those important to us pass away. Anita Diamant, in her novel Good Harbor, offers another way to look at death, to perhaps make it less scary. Buddy says to his wife, while she is preoccupied with thoughts of breast cancer and death, that he “ think[s] of [dying] as following. Following the rest of them” (p. 117). In that way, death is much more about making connections and finding those people we love. Death becomes more reasonable, more tenable. We are more able to actually wrap our heads around the concept.

            Death is never easy. Sitting in a room with someone who is dying/about to die is incredibly painful and often overwhelming. We all find ways to cope with that pain. We all attempt to comfort ourselves and those around us in whatever way we know how. Sometimes we just need to put a different spin on it. Reaching out is always a good start. Where can you find strength and get courage from?