"And you shall find for yourself a friend..."

Excerpted from Pirke Avot 1.6

A closed gate is easily traversed, with an open mind (or a key)

I went to the shuk today with different people than I normally go with. Now, I assumed that the shuk would be the shuk, that I would get my stuff and have just as much of a good time as I usually do. However, it was a completely different experience, as though I was in an alternate universe. Although I still bought my produce, cheese, and spices, I felt distant. My partner in crime was not with me. I didn't have someone to make the aisles more friendly and the throng of people more tolerable. I didn’t have someone who also knew the shuk, who was comfortable with the prices and could spare me a shekel or two if I needed it.

            Each time I went up to a vendor, I checked who was around me, making sure I wasn’t leaving my bubbe cart in someone’s way. I went in and selected my produce, careful to smell it first (therefore garnering a strange look from most of the sellers). Although I was with other people, it felt as though I was alone (reflecting much more upon me than upon them).

            A lesson was learned today, one I have refrained from learning for a while because of the implications it carries. We will always have friends that serve different purposes in our lives, with varying amounts of influence on us. They may simply be people to hang out with, fun to chill with or take trips with. Others may be more intellectual, stimulating the intellect and rousing curiosity. Still others can be well-rounded, filling multiple openings in your heart and soul. No matter, it is important to nourish different kinds of friendships, ensuring that you know which friend is best suited for each activity.

            I have always wondered about making friends. It seems so seemless for others, as though they just meet someone and then they click. However, I’d venture a guess that there is much more unknown than known about new relationships.

Open gate of possibility

            Friday night, a bunch of us were hanging out and talking about making friends. One person quoted a statistic that stuck with me: 10% of the people we meet, we just click with. They become fast friends and there is no work that needs to go into it initially. 10% of the people we meet we have to work at being friends with, but in the end, it will work out and we will be friends. The last 80% are people who we meet and attempt to be friends with but whom we don’t click with automatically. We may try to connect again and again, but just end up with a casual relationship. Although the numbers may not be accurate (and divvying people up into categories often leads to issues in it’s own right), this concept carries much weight.

            What do friendships mean to me? How do I view each person I meet: as friend, acquaintance, lover, teacher, partner? How do people view me? Do I present myself in a way that others find appealing? As we ask ourselves these questions, we explore self-image and self-ideology, deepening our place within our own world.