Judgement and learning in parallel

This week marked the first official week of classes. It entailed increased stress levels, meeting many new faces and personalities, and exploring neuronal connections that haven’t been active in a while. Also intrinsic to the first week of school is learning again how to sit in a class and actively listen and participate.  Many of the people with which I interacted were fleeting; we met and then both moved on to wherever we were heading. However, some of them made an impact, and their spark has stayed with me as I continued through the week.

Two such people stand out. One approached me as I was working after class one afternoon, asking what I was doing. I shared and she immediately offered to serve as a sounding board, listening and offering advice to my swirling ideas which I couldn’t concretize. By the end of our 10 minute conversation, she had given me useful insight and I, hopefully, had in turn offered a respite from the intensity of her day. 

The second interaction was out of necessity. While leaving HUC to go home, a friend and I found that his car had a flat tire. Knowing that the wait time would be longer than a few minutes, we decided to plant ourselves in the sun and wait. However, knowing I had a call in the not-so-distant future, he went inside to see what he could do. A few minutes later, one of his friends came out and offered me a ride home. I accepted, and we spent the next 25 minutes discussing life, HUC and ourselves, on the way to her house. Once my call finished, we continued to talk and discovered that we both enjoyed text, and were excited to learn in a different way.

Both interactions left me buoyed with the knowledge that not only do people take time to warm up, but that these people will be both classmates/colleagues, and friends. They will be my confidants, my sounding boards, and my sparing partners. This week’s parsha is again talking about the legal codes and how we must live as we go into the land and work to establish ourselves. Deuteronomy 17:8-13 reminds us that we have judges/legal guidance already set up for us, that we must simply utilize it. If something is too difficult for us to judge, we must take it before the Levites/Priests and let them judge, according to God’s will/passed on decree.

Although I am not comparing these new classmates to Levites/Priests, there is something about their greater levels of knowledge and simple experience that compels me to turn to them on questions of text, halacha (Jewish law), Jewish practice, or living. They have already lived through this year, with the wisdom to accompany it, so it seems logical to use their insight. Not necessarily judging legal doctrine, they are judging life doctrine instead. As the high holiday's approach, I am reminded of the importance of judgement, and recognize that these people will serve as one way I can look inward to myself.

The parsha also allows us to establish a king over ourselves, should we desire one, but to make sure that king is also desirable in God’s eyes. He should rule with a law book, but he should not become haughty and think of himself as any better than anyone else. People in power tend to develop a complex, in that they are better and more learned or simply greater than others. One thing that these new acquaintances reminded me, along with a few rabbis, was that I must remember that I am just like any other person. The title rabbi may one day be attached to my name, but I am still just Elana Nemitoff. I must not take the title, the mantle of the rabbinate, and allow it to change me so profoundly that I develop a sense of self-righteousness. Rather, I must use the mantle to help others, while simultaneously remembering who I am and how I want to be in this world.

May this Shabbat bring learning and understanding, of yourself and your position. May you find people who can serve as your judge and confidant, who make your life more complete and whole.

Shabbat shalom!

Billings Firsts' Sermon

Here is my first sermon, on firsts, that I will give tonight here in Billings, MT. Shabbat shalom!

Do you remember your first day of school? You walked into the classroom and immediately gravitated to those one or two classmates who you were friends with, who you hadn't seen all summer and were eager to get re-acquainted with?

Now repaint the picture: it's still the first day of school. However, you walk into the school filled with trepidation, unsure of what to expect because you have just moved to town. None of the faces surrounding you are familiar and you feel a sense of disquiet, as an anxiety settles into your stomach while you shrink and fall into a desk. The teacher walks in and immediately smiles in your direction, acknowledging that she recognizes this is scary for you. Two weeks later, it is as if you have been there for years.

Today is like my first day of school. In fact, it is a weekend full of firsts: new state, new city, new congregation. And like the first day of school, when we all introduce ourselves to our classmates, let me take the opportunity to introduce myself. My name, as you know, is Elana Nemitoff and I am honored to be standing in front of you. As a second year student at Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion, this is my first student pulpit, the first time I will stand in front of my congregation and be a source of comfort and learning (I hope).

I have spent the last two years living in Israel, improving my Hebrew and learning about the ancient homeland of our collective people. I spent the first year in Israel learning at HUC and my second year working as an aide in a school for kids with special needs just north of Tel Aviv. There, I became more enamored with cycling, which I continue to both love and be involved with in Los Angeles. I was able to explore my surroundings in a more intimate manner, creating a stronger connection with the country and the land. Now I look forward to getting to know a vast expanse of land that doesn’t exist in Israel, this beautiful land of Montana. I am sure you can point me in the direction of some great rides/hikes.

Growing up, I moved twice before leaving for college, to Columbus, OH right before I began kindergarten and to Overland Park, KS right before beginning 8th grade. Although as an eighth grader I was filled with angst and anger toward anyone willing to get close enough to me to find out, the moves were both mostly positive experience. Thankfully, that’s changed a bit since those days.

Today, I stand before you as a woman filled with gratitude and humility. That gratitude is to you, for opening your doors and your homes to welcome me into your familial community. The humility is due to my lack of knowledge. As a second year student, I have gleaned from the text and the wisdom of our Jewish tradition, but I have much more to learn. You will teach me just as much, if not more, than I will teach you and I am honored that this is the case.

This weekend, I face you as your new student Rabbi. I am bursting with ideas and have so many tunes and prayers swimming in my head. However, I must be honest: I will need your help. I love learning and teaching, but my singing voice is not necessarily the best. Therefore, you will need to participate with me. Regardless of how you feel about your own singing voice, Judaism is about creating a safe and loving community, regardless of natural ability. Our prayer services will not be as impactful or spiritual if we are not working together to make them so. If you have a favorite tune or reading, let me know, and then be patient as I learn it.

I am struck by a verse from this week’s Torah portion that says: “For you are a people consecrated to the Eternal your God: the Eternal your God chose you from among all other peoples on earth to be a treasured people” (Deuteronomy 14:2). Although I would not dare to compare myself to God, I was chosen to be here and serve you. Walking on the shoulders of other Rabbis, I accept their contribution while reminding all of us that I am unique from anyone else who has stood on this bima, as lay person or clergy. I will work in conjunction with you, as God worked with the people, and will strive to merit that appointment.

Truthfully, I do love the first day of school. New school supplies, books with that new book smell, usually new clothes, a touch of fall in the air. Here too, I am experiencing that. And so are you. Let us take this opportunity to acknowledge that. Introduce yourself to me and I will do so in return. I want to get to know you and be there for you.

Experiencing this first with you is such a blessing, cloaking me in retrospection and vulnerability. Whatever simchas and sorrow we experience this year, may we experience them together. May we rely on one another to grow and change through this year, as you re calibrate to a part-time rabbi and I grow into myself as a Rabbi. May we learn to listen to one another and be willing to acknowledge when we are at fault, and when we can add more.

Challenging God

I’m exhausted. After spending the past week going through orientation at HUC, as well as taking in the anxiety and frustration of my fellow classmates, I am spent. About 20 minutes ago, when I went outside to shed the stress through a brief run, my whole body protested, too tired to exert that much energy in order to move. One block into the run, I turned around. Then, not wanting to return to my apartment and leave the sun, I turned the corner and started down a different street. Again, I stopped after a few blocks.

The combination of being in school again after taking time away for a year, of anxiety/stress at an incredibly high level, and not feeling settled, as well as finding my way around a new city, is a lot. It takes getting used to, and defenses that haven’t been accessed in a while were down and have quickly been re-instated. But more than anything, my body is taking a beating. Breaking in a new bed, driving and sitting a lot in class or traffic, different food or eating times. It’s ready for a break. My body is ready for Shabbat.

Shabbat is that time of the week when we can take a step back from the wear and tear we have put on our body for the past week and just breathe. It grants us the opportunity to set aside the high-stress of the highway and stand-still traffic and just be in our normal flow. As Abraham Isaac Kook wrote in his book, Orot Teshuvah (The Lights of Repentance), we all want to maintain the flow of who we are, and keep it running. But when we do wrong (or to paraphrase, when we don’t keep ourselves balanced), the flow gets interrupted and we feel pain. Shabbat, in a way, is an opportunity to re-establish that flow and reconnect with ourselves and with God.

This week’s parsha, Parshat Ekev, has many messages, but one in particular struck me. Chapter 8, Verse 16 says למען ענותך ולמען נסותך, להיטבך באחריתך, that God may oppress you and God may test you, but it will all be for good in your end. As I look back on this week, I find that God is attempting to test me, to challenge me. God is attempting to help me discover where my strength lies. Not in such a way that I cannot handle what happens, but as a way to explore my inner-strength.

For example, I feel on the sidewalk yesterday, walking down the street. I didn’t just stumble, I flat out slid on the pavement. The pad of my elbow has a scrape about 2 inches in diameter, to prove it! But again, God was testing me. I needed to know that I could take a decently painful spill and handle the consequences. Truthfully, it was the easiest of what I’ve dealt with in the past few days! But I recognized that this pain was a direct indication that God has many ways to test us, and we must be open to whatever those methods are, acknowledging God’s presence and accepting God’s love when it comes.

May this Shabbat bring us the ability to decompress from the past week and strength to face the week to come. May we take this Shabbat as an opportunity to reconnect with our inner-flow. May this Shabbat find our connection and understanding of God strengthened. Shabbat Shalom.

God's love

This week, I traveled from Sanibel, FL to Los Angeles, CA. Traversing the country by bike, plane, and car, and I discovered there are many ways to go on a journey. I didn’t necessarily appreciate the mind-numbing monotony of endless desert or field. Nor did I enjoy sitting in a car seat for upwards of 13 hours a day. Nor did I desire to sit still for hours on end. However, there were aspects of this trip that I found breathtakingly phenomenal. I came to understand that part of that adventure is the process itself, not the final destination. The wide open sky, with no buildings disturbing the expanse. The fresh-smell of a pine forest, not encroached upon by human spoil. The simple beauty of a field populated by yellow flowers, not marred by anything else.

Now, sitting in my new apartment, smelling the challah baking in the oven, sweaty from unpacking all of my clothes into my closet, I feel a sense of accomplishment only matched by other move-in adventures. This shabbat, I recognize that God chose us, the Jewish people; gave us the Torah; the journey through the desert for a reason. Not being omniscient, the particular reason is beyond me. However, I have a few thoughts.

This week’s parsha, V’etchanan, ends with an explanation of why God chose the Jewish people. in D'varim (Deuteronomy 7:7-11), God tells Moses, to tell the people, that God didn’t chose them because they are large (we were the smallest at the time), but because God loved us and promised to continue to love us. The logic doesn’t exactly follow, but the conclusion is that God loved, and still loves us, despite all the hardships we had to overcome to get to the Acacia trees in Moab, right outside of the land of Israel. The journey is a necessity, in order to enjoy the fruits of the labor. God’s love is what will get us there.

Not only that, but God tells us what to do with God’s commands. This parsha includes the Ten Commandments, reiterated, so we know exactly how to follow God’s commands, to respect God’s love for us. Right before those Commandments, we get the Shema and V’ahavtah, the watchword of our faith that tells us what it means to be Jewish (have one God) and then how to remind yourself of that daily, how to love God.

In short, the parsha is about God’s love for us and how we should love God in return. The journey through the desert, and the initial reaction to the land of Israel demonstrate that the people didn’t always feel God’s love, nor did they appreciate God attempting to lead them. But eventually, eventually, they accepted and began to understand the benefits of God’s love.

So too, was my journey across the country trying at times. So too is Los Angeles not what I was expecting or am necessarily accustomed. I have much to learn. I have much to get used to. But, I will remind myself of God’s love and how I can maintain my covenant with God, and hopefully discover that the journey gets a little easier along the way.

Moses' Send-off Speech

This week, we begin reading the book of Deuteronomy, and I am rather overwhelmed by that fact. The rest of the books have all contained relatively new information, meaning excitement was the main emotion resonating within as I read each parsha. However, this week starts Deuteronomy. 36 chapters of Moses speaking, reminding the people off these last minute tid-bits, not wanting to see them in trouble because they forgot an important rule or law. Moses seems like an over-protective parent, sending his children off to summer camp to even college for the first time. “Don’t forget to write/email!” “Stay out of the woods, there might be raspberry plants and you’re allergic (or stay away from alcohol and parties).” “Change your underwear at least every other day.” “Make sure you send your clothes to the laundry.” And of course, “be nice to the other kids in your cabin/your roommates."

Essentially, Moses is about to give his big parting speech, to remind the people that he won’t be there to guide them anymore. Of course they will have Joshua to take over for Moses, but Moses doesn’t seem to trust the guy too much, especially if he needs to give the people so many reminders of how to act. Moses still needs to be in control for a little while longer, before he pulls out of the front-gate and can fall apart, cry with wonder at how his children have grown up, how they don’t need him anymore.

So, how does Moses start this parting speech? With a reminder of keeping law and order. in Deuteronomy 1:1-8, Moses recounts how he tried to rule for himself, but wasn’t able to. Therefore, God had him appoint judges to give out punishment and hear problems, taking only the really difficult ones to Moses himself. The importance of this for the people at the moment is that they will soon need to be their own deciders of right and wrong. Without Moses as the final verdict-decider, they will need to figure out their own problems and bring resolution when necessary. Moses will no longer be able to act as their highest court.

Another way Moses subtly reminds the people that they will be okay is through an indication that God was always there for the Jewish people. God reminds the people that God went ahead of the Israelites by day, to find a place to pitch a tent. At night, God was there, showing the way with fire. During the day, God remained with the people in the cloud above them to protect them. This is relayed in Chapter 1, Verse 33. God is reminding the people not to give up on God. Rather, they must continue to believe, even as times get hard and other people’s come in and try to destroy them. The people of Israel must recall that God is with them, helping them find strength and courage to continue on!

This Shabbat, may we also find the strength and courage to continue on. May we remember that God is always with us, guiding us and helping us guide ourselves. May we learn how to let go of those we love, as they journey on to new things. May we always remember to share advice.

Shabbat Shalom.