Rabbinic Lessons: 3 vs. 22

 

Perfection. That is what I usually require in most aspects of my life. Of course, I have never been, and will continue to not be perfect. However, I have not yet figured out how to do that. This is not about that, but rather my adventures with the Hebrew language.

            Hebrew is a language that I have engaged and struggled with for many years. Time after time I have tested into the lowest level Hebrew class, not even getting past the past tense. Each class gets me to an incredible point where I feel more comfortable with the language, like I can actually participate in the culture and be a part of the society. However, I have never felt capable of actually interacting fully and immersing myself in only Hebrew.

            At this point, all I want is to be fluent. I want to dream in Hebrew, be able to understand the conversations I hear on the street and know what the man is telling me at the shuk! I want to be immersed. Although a worthwhile goal for some point down the road, I don’t believe it is reasonable for the moment. HOWEVER, the expectation I have teaches me a very important lesson:

            As a three year old child, playing with, adapting, and engaging in language is a fun activity. It is inspiring and kids learn so much from their mistakes (that is something I have definitely started to do!). Even more than that, 3 year olds are not embarrassed in the least by whatever mistakes they make. They just move on and eventually learn to correct them. Twenty-two-year-old young women are not quiet as good. They also adapt, adopt and engage the language. They also make mistakes and can be inspired/inspiring for others. But those twenty-two year old young women also chastise themselves when a mistake occurs and often find it frustrating or even infuriating when they cannot think of a word or do not know how to say what is on their mind.

            This evening, I went to a session at one of the three reform congregations in Jerusalem, Kehilat Har El, to study Pirkei Avot. I was excited for the experience of only speaking Hebrew and sat down eager to engage. Quickly, I realized how far under I was, that I barely understood anything. I understood a few things here or there, and definitely knew some of the stories the Rabbi was referring to, but after a while I just zoned out. Attempting to listen constantly became overwhelming. Oddly enough, the entire time, my thoughts were mostly in Hebrew. Although I couldn’t understand the flow of the conversation, I was thinking about my own relations with the language, and my relations with other people.

Afterwards, talking with Lori about the experience, I realized I understood more than I thought, but it was more big picture stuff so I had a much more difficult time putting it all together. Learning Torah or commentary or Mishna or anything of the sort is not an easy task, made infinitely more difficult by the added handicap of a new language. If I am truly going to capture this language, I need to give myself a break, and not expect so much from each day, but also continue to push myself to explore new avenues of learning and listening.

            This language is wonderful. Not perfect, just wonderful. I love it, no matter how difficult it gets and I cannot wait to continue this amazing journey of self-discovery and passion!